Secretly

So many times I have thought of forgetting myself

And pouring my heart and its feelings,

Just to profess my love for you

To tell how I've loved you in secret

    You seemed like a blessing from heaven

But I felt my love was not worthy of you

And thus, I decided to stay away

And adore your memories in solitude

So that nobody would know of my love,

Keeping it hidden forever,

And nobody would see my tears.

But now that you come to me asking what has happened,

How am I supposed to say that I love you?

Will that be worthy?

Will that be acceptable?

It just seems I do matter to you,

Will you give me true confidence?

Will my feelings be pampered with honor then?

Tell Me Please

I know I don't belong to you,

Then why am I getting pulled to you?

I know we differ our destiny,

Then why the path you choose

seems mine as well?

I know you are a mystery,

Then why your depth feels known to me?

I know your considerations,

I know your priorities,

But why do I want to be 

your only considered priority?

So many expectations

so many desires.

Only to know

they all are liars.

Growing day by day,

learning new things.

Get mature they say,

will any change it bring?

Give me a hope,

say it will cure.

All the thoughts and beliefs 

that within me it lures.

I promise you 

I will go that way,

Just tell me once

taking the path,

I'll for sure

get rid of the pains

Fear No More

Looking back what you had then,

Those rewards, nothing but pain.

Torn heart and endless tears,

Fail to trust, so narrow lane.

The days are darker,

The nights are wide awake,

Feelings are betrayed,

Neither clues nor answer.

No direction to flow,

Here and there you go,

Seeking a hand? 

Please let me know.

So many thorns around.

Don't worry I'm right here,

Will hold you tight 

And take you, no bound.

Let's make it up,

Open up the knots.

See the sunrise

After those dark skies.

Nowhere around I'll leave you alone,

Life is a roadtrip, very much unknown.

Fearing to fall? I'll pull you back,

A promise, your hopes will never rollback.

Love is really beautiful, look at its core,

Please my Dear, Please! 

Do not fear it anymore.

Initiate

INITIATE to your goal

I know some things take time

Some places seems blurred

Some situation seems incoherent

Seems you'll be mistaken

That's when we feel like

Some desires are better hidden

Better kept inside one's heart

Mere words can't express feelings

Feelings cannot always be conveyed

Learn to know what a moment demands

For some moments just gets us matured

'What if I say this?'

'Where will it take me?'

No scope to think so much

When you hesitate just stop

Stop and give a thought

Thought of possibilities

Think why you hesitate!

Are you not ready?

Do you lack confidence!

What do you expect?

Never force yourself

Neither stop your soul

Hung up in between?

No that's not a deal at all

Decide a path

Follow with it

You'll either reach your aim

Or will learn to divert your walk

At least INITIATE...

Just What I Feel

I made another day,

A day full of pranks on me.

Its good to be a target for fun,

Being a smiling reason and their laughing key.

I wish I could explain how I feel,

It's just so deep I can't even peek.

The flavor they had in their eyes,

Trusting the bond anything they can speak.

It's true, how people notices you,

Just one wrong move and they judge you.

If you are happy, you are lucky,

If you are sad, standing by you are few.  

How beautiful this world would be,

If no one claimed anyones smile.

Getting satisfied of whatever is gained,

And winning oneself with their own style.

Motto to live happy,

Enjoy whatever comes,

Never try to be someone you're not,

And don't loose yourself

In a process of making someone else happy.

Fall To Love

Don't fall in love,

You'll be hurt,

Will have to overcome,

And finally move on.

Why do they say 'Love always hurts'?

Why do they mean overcoming means being strong?

Why do we always have to move on?

Come prove them wrong,

Fall in love and grow.

Show them it doesn't always hurt,

That the pain sometimes is sweeter.

No need to overcome,

Why to defeat this beautiful thing!

Why not smile and praise it more!

It will hurt for sure but won't be a wall,

Because to gain love you need to FALL.

So come,

Lets fall in love,

Lets get hurt,

Learn to live with it,

Lets forever keep it in our heart...

Love Always Hopes

I don't know what it is like,

To be aware of the result and still,

Wait something to be in favor.

I don't know what to feel,

When I know it has no meaning and still,

Hope it to grow and make me glow.

I don't know when I'm alone,

Why do I look into my phone and wish,

You also think of reaching out to me.

Just like I do,

Just like my dreams flow,

Just like my hopes fly,

Just like the way I fall

Hoping to hold your hand.

All I know is to Care,

Positive or Possessive I don't know.

All I know is to Love,

Selfless or Selfish I don't know.

All I know is to Hope,

To hope that someday I'll win you,

You'll ask me to stay with you,

Say that you missed me,

And that you are tired of ignoring,

And now all you want is me, then 

No matter what I'll Hold you tight,

Never ever letting you go, 

No matter how dark is the night. 

The Imaginary Lane

Lost in the dreams

I am deep asleep

Chasing what I want

Flying to reach

Neither the world

Nor the sky I nab

Just a reason to Smile

That's all I grab 

So many words

Silence though

Peace here within

is so pure to flow

Here goes the cloud

The sun rises bright

Here and there everywhere

The freshness and the light

Pink and orange

Sweet flower scent

Leaves an impression

The moment is well spent

Enjoying the feel

Now wide awake

beautiful very beautiful

it was THE IMAGINARY LANE

Oh beautiful Sea Waves

Oh beautiful sea waves,

Take me in your sea caves.. 

Wanna flow thorough carving your strong tide,

And take a deep sink in your pleasant water that's too wide..

The bright color of the proud sun became low and got fade,

Loosing all its shiny rays inside your blue & green shades..

Sun finally decided to set into your  broad arms,

Feeling itself so lucky spending whole night in peace and calm..

Wind took your responsibility after sun left his kingdom,

And gave all its precious strength to make u show your wisdom...

Wind makes me feel so cool and shiver by its own willing breeze,

As if it wants me to flow along with ur chilling water without realizing i'll freeze..

Oh beautiful sea waves, I know u have great patience,

The way u wait for the sun every morning to rise with a great new essence..

Even the sun it does not forget to rise,

And the way it gives u peace is so nice..

Even the loving wind it's always along,

It also makes us sing loving pleasant song..

Please let the world know the beautiful relation of wind, u and sun,

Also teach them to live together without ego which will help them for long run..

How beautiful is the life full of true friends just like u have,

I wish along with true friends a beautiful loving life we too have'..

First Rain Of The Season

Someone knocked in my dreams, asked me to open my eyes,
Oh Yes it was rain, it was all I wished since so many nights.

I jumped off of my bed, tried to feel the Beautiful droplets,
The smell of the wet soil gave me so much of pleasure that no words I put in here can express.

The sky is full of clouds, I wish it stays this way for long,
I get so curious to see the game where droplets sometimes chases and sometimes sweetly they flows along.

The leaves of the trees blossomed with joy enjoying the drops of first rain with feel,
Glowing every bit with their shiny color which now grew really fresh and lush green.

Pitter-patter pitter-patter here and there the melodious sounds are formed,
I feel like dancing in the rain but I can't match the steps these drops have already performed.

Rain, how beautiful you are, I'm falling for you please hold my hand,
I feel like tapping my feet on the rhythm you are creating amazingly on the land.

This beautiful beginning of morning would lead a lovely day, yes I'm very sure,
Hoping to have a smooth ending today with lots of nice moments to endure.

THE LOVE BETWEEN US

The moment I saw you, I felt a little change in me,
Only saw the things around then but now observed what I see.
Wheel of life moves on the path we take it,
Enjoying the meaning within every bit of it.

Yes, I realized this after you walked beside,
The fun, the hopes and the dreams were here to reside.
Everyone needs some time to unwind,
Someone to hold and support when you fall behind.

I felt confident when you held my hand,
When failure broke me you took a stand.
I was born to a new world following your steps,
Was so happy, blossoming with every new flaps.

Yes I was falling more and more for you,
I don't know when and how these things grew. 
Never ever thought you'll mean this to me,
Didn't even think after all this where I'll be.  

Days after days the feelings were growing strong,
My Dreams begin to flourish hoping you'll always be along.
My love for you became selfless but I felt you never beheld,
Realizing my dreams were only dreams,
In my heart the feelings permanently dwelled.

Slowly and slowly everything changed,
And so I stepped back without any rush,
The rain would bucket out of my heart,
The feelings within me would turn into slush.

This is how the love story ended before it even began,
It was all imaginary, the path where clueless I ran. 
Aware of the reality I am wide awake and thus,
Cherishing the moments I lived with you,
I'll always praise THE LOVE BETWEEN US.

IT'S NOT LIKE THE WAY IT SEEMS!

It affects when you know how it is supposed to be but what you see is not the same,
Situation demands something and expectations are way to high to be fulfilled.
Mind starts boggling and random conclusions are made,
And all that is left for the heart then is to get emotionally carried away.

No! That's not the way to deal with it, let the time pass by,
Based on those random conclusions, don't let the good hopes far to fly.
All I know is when the mind starts assuming, it sees whatever it believes,
Thus making the situation even worse, the trust and faith in you will leave.

Such is the time when no one is around,
No one understands you and you are so bound.
Trust me my friend, follow what I say,
Hold your heart and feel what it wants to convey,
Take a deep breath and throw away the heat,
Close your eyes and cherish the memories sweet.

Then you'll realize what you held were just some thoughts,
Some moments come and test to see how you fought.
That's when you'll know where you stand,
Either you'll sink or flow smoothly to the land.
This makes a clear vision to us in our mind with a gleam,
Sometimes you need patience for IT'S NOT LIKE THE WAY IT SEEMS.

-Disha Sil

Jimmy- My First Pet

"Didi, Maa brought someone!", bhai exclaimed. We ran towards the door.

Shining black eyes, blinking. Smooth and white cottony skin. Tiny tail, wagging. Maa brought a little Puppy. "So cute it is!", I exclaimed. Bhai ran to Maa, "Who is it Maa?". Maa smiled at us, "She is Family.", "Family, Maa?". "Yes, a new member to our family."

I was pleased knowing this. I always wanted a puppy. Bhai was 3 years old, he started jumping, "I want to hold & play with her Maa. ", Maa said, "Dear, She is so tiny to play with you." Maa laying Her down, "Son, now go and observe what she does." Puppy started wandering here & there, bhai ran behind her.

Meanwhile papa arrived, the puppy very smartly went to him. Forgetting all his tiredness, he started playing with her. "How shall we call her papa?", I asked. "Jimmy!", he said. Maa came out, "That's pretty, Jimmy!" and the puppy woofed. "Ahaan! She learnt it's her name. ", I told.

Jimmy became our darling with each passing day. She followed Maa, wherever she went. Waited at the doorsteps for papa to return from work. If ever was I upset, Jimmy licked my hand and consoled. Anytime she did a mischief, a single call "Maa", she would run and hide under the bed. Would never heed to any of us but no one could force her do what Maa once denied. Major task was taking her for bath. Hearing "Bath time", she would try her best to hide so that we don't find her. If ever we brought another pet just to play with, she used to be so envious, didn't talk or even look at us for some time.

Whenever we left her alone at home for some hours, she used to argue with Maa when we returned & scold her as if she wants to say, "How dare you left me alone, I missed you all so much." Would never allow any child to take and play with ball my bhai had, she would snatch it, run & hide it under the bed.

9 years passed & the days were adorable.

One day, we found Jimmy had a Tumour on her leg. Tensed atmosphere. Papa came and we consulted a Doctor. Dr. said, Jimmy needs to get operated. For us, Jimmy's health was priority. Jimmy got operated, now the tumour was no more part of her body. She was fine now. The tumour was sent for Biopsy(A test to know the reason behind the Tumour).

The days passed good. Then we had the biopsy report, Jimmy was suffering from cancer. We broke down. She was our sweet heart, a reason for our cheerful days. But now the Disease, eating her up day by day. And she stopped taking food. Vomited everything her stomach held. Had no more strength to stand up, she chose to sit. Maa often kept speaking to her, Jimmy stared at her as if pleading, "Help me, paining hard." But we were helpless, Dr. already confessed no cure. Maa often cried, we could not see Jimmy in pain.

One day early morning, Jimmy seemed good, "Maa, she's fine!". We got relieved. I was in hurry for college, left saying goodbye to Maa and Jimmy.  

4:30 pm, bhai rang me, "Didi, Jimmy left us!", I could hear Maa crying. I ran, clueless. I saw her. Yes, she was gone. Papa was quiet. I broke into tears, "Jimmy!!", no response. Maa was in pieces.

Maa described how Jimmy reacted just before she left. Maa told, "I just went to see how Jimmy was doing, I opened her room. She gathered all her strength to get up, walked to me and sat near my foot. I pampered her and noticed her body was cold, I asked her to go and sit on her bed. She did walk till her bed but could not handle herself till sitting down, her body fell down. I thought she is weak and so it's better not to disturb. I went to another room and started my work. Suddenly I heard a sound, I ran to see, Jimmy was taking hiccups. I was in shock. And I cried loud "Jimmy" and her eyes, looked at me. Last look & her head fell on the ground.", her voice broke "Jimmy left me.", everyone at home broke into tears.

Handling the situation papa said she needs to be buried then. We went near an Ashram, Flowing river beside it. Papa dug a bed for Jimmy, and we let her Rest In Peace. Bhai was silent. We lit some candles near her bed and Prayed for peace of her soul.

From "A month old" to "only 35 days to be 10 years". Memories, Mischief, always alert & caring.

It is truly said, "Dogs don't bother whether you are Rich or Poor, Pretty or Ugly. Just give them your heart & they'll give you theirs". 

Miss you Jimmy, Now & Forever.. Love you always...